The Worries of Tomorrow
by Myboobseclipsethesun
Summary: Meet Alyssa. She's currently in a mental hospital suffering from depression. After getting another chance at life, how will she react when she appears on Tarsus IV? James Kirk? What the hell is this,Star Trek? Future/Spoilers/OC/James/Bones/Spock/Sulu.
1. Boring side of life

BLOG: Date: June 19, 2011. Seattle, Oregon

_Hello, My name is Alyssa Rose. I guess I should start out by saying this new hospital is going to suck ass. It's only been about…two days and I'm struggling constantly to keep myself from going insane._

I sighed. Well aren't I already insane? I guess it doesn't matter. I looked back down and continued writing.

_I honestly don't want to write this, but I have nothing better to do. I can see the pattern starting now. Stay up til I pass out, wake up dazed and confused laying on the floor. Forgetting to eat until the guards come to tell me it's dinner. Eating that lovely excuse of nutritional food. Lovely excuse indeed..I have that damn Ashely Tisdale song stuck in my head. What was it called again? He said she said? Well whatever it is, I sincerely hope whoever wrote the song is burning painfully. _

I sighed again

_I'm starting to regret my stupid decision writing this.. Maybe I should've told these doctors to shove it instead of trying to convey my emotions (or lack them) onto paper. Oh yes haven't I mentioned? I'm stuck in this mental hospital. Yes I know rub it in my face mother. You've always told me that one day I would end up like you. I remember thinking, psh yah right, as If I'd ever turn into a person who's so irrational, erratic, and just plain irritating. Sigh….I wonder if I can actually sigh on paper? Well too bad I am. This stupid therapist that is deemed "the best in the country" is currently watching me intensely, like at any moment I'm going to spontaneously combust. If he doesn't stop staring at me I just might give him an ass whoopin._

_I'm going off topic again. Okay I just turned 17 two months ago, My birthday is May 22. And I'm a Gemini! isn't this fun? Um.. I have a sister named Victoria, and a brother named Nick. They're both geniuses, and I guess I am too, but you know the last kid is one no one ever expects anything from. So yah I was a trouble maker, but I can say with pride that I've turned out the most normal…except not really. _

_My sister has always been in her own world. She's nice and all..but much too self absorbed. She strived to please my mother. Toria (the nickname I gave her that always stuck) has (or had the last time I saw her) beautiful, red thick hair. Her hair was long and perfect. Her eyes were brilliant green that were wide and were full of intelligence. She had a touch of freckles that brushed across her button nose that made her seem just…natural looking. Yes natural. Am I becoming a little too poetic? Who cares..anyways I think she was around 5'6 and was very slender._

_My brother, was incredibly handsome. He had light blonde hair that touched his ears, and had blue-ish grey eyes that were framed with long lashes. They were big and innocent. Along with his dimples that appeared when he flashed his pearly white teeth. Innocent indeed. He had a stong jaw and a permenant blush that stained his cheeks. His nose was long and straight. Dammit I need to top being poetic._

_My mother..well she was beautiful. She had short, thick blonde hair, that shined like corn silk in the sun. A heart-shaped face that I was always jealous for. Almond shaped eyes..those eyes..I'm not sure how I happened actually. I mean my mother had hazel eyes. They shone with experience and intelligence that surpassed my sister and brother combined. Hell even me. And my father, who had bleeding blue eyes. Question is how did I get brown? Good question indeed. My father who I barely remember had thick eyebrows, sun bleached hair, and was overall really handsome. I wish I could elaborate some more but I don't want to talk about him._

"I'm writing out of things to talk about." I sighed. Not lifting my eyes from my paper.

"Have you mentioned anything about your family?" He asked, seeming excited that he was finally making progress.

"What family?" I quipped. Smirking at the visually deflating man.

"Your Parents, brothers or sisters? Maybe even a pet?" He asked curiously.

I flinched. An overwhelming sense of depression washed over me. Yes I never had a first love, or anything of the sort..I had a dog. I made the mistake of letting such an animal in. How could I of known it could hurt so badly? I sniffed and struggled to contain my sadness.

I nodded and bit my lip in a annoyed manner. He better not make me write more.

"How about you write about yourself." He purposed. My eyes were still glued to my paper. Whether it was because I was concentrating, or didn't want to see his smug face. Im sure everyone's jumping with joy that I've finally decided to "make progress." Whatever…

_It seems I must continue. Okay then, I stand around 5'2 -and a half- and I have short legs that make my torso seem..perhaps a little too long? I'm too curvy. DEFINETLY too curvy. My boobs take up my whole body (okay not literally) my arms are too long, like I'm some kind of monkey. But, I like to think my face is more pleasant to look at. I have a oval shaped face. For some odd reason I like my chin. It's well defined and I think its pretty..anyways I also like my lips. They're full, without being overly so, and are shapely. My nose..which I hate is what makes me so "exotic" my family always told me. I always almost spell erotic instead of exotic but I'm off topic again. My eyes are like the rest of my family's eyes. Only mine are more tilted upwards at the sides, making me look kinda strange (but my mother said it made me look stunning) psh okay.. I also had freckles. But it looked out of place entirely. My hair is brownish black and has a very tousled look. My bangs are constantly in my face and im insanely pale…like my siblings…My eyes might seem brown but look close enough and you will find they're HAZEL…or maybe they're just brownish with a green tint? (my sister always told me I'm in denial) well they're hazel to me.._

I finally looked up at the man. Unconsciously I observed old wrinkly face. He had the whole doctor package. The gentle blue eyes that could make any person trust him, the soft smile that says "tell me anything you'd like, I wont judge you." I honestly felt bad for the man. It's just that I'm not the open..and I don't trust men…or people in general.

Oh yes that brings me to another issue. I spent a moment debating whether or not I should write it on paper. I picked up my pencil and looked down at my paper.

_I hate my life._

Smiling slightly, I made up my mind. Why should I write about my life? Who honestly cares. I don't even want anyone to know, let alone repeat it.

I sighed again.

"Can I please go?" I asked, smiling hopefully. Perhaps this old man can save me the trouble?

He sighed.

"Not until you've at least filled an 3 sheets, then you may go." He said sternly. Not entirely convinced I did as I was told.

"Psh as you wish Ojii-san".

I loved Japanese. Actually, I love languages in general. Should I write them?…

_A random list of the languages I know…yes I'm bragging_

_Japanese_

_Chinese_

_Korean_

_Arabic_

_French_

_Spanish_

_Black foot (don't ask)_

_Portuguese_

_Elvish_

Thank you J.R.R Tolkien. I'm not sure why exactly, maybe it was the fact hardly anyone understood it, therefore made insulting someone ten times more entertaining.

…

Maybe I really am insane.

Scoffing, I got up from the desk and stretched. After the satisfying _pop!_ I sat back down and looked outside. The sun was shining brightly through the bared windows, but it's not like it mattered. I mean I was allowed to go outside. A pang of sadness hit me.

Outside..

Is it that wrong that I haven't been outside for more than 5 years? Well I have, but being drugged during a transfer to another nut shack doesn't count..

It seems only yesterday I was that twelve years old, crazy, obnoxious little girl that had serious neglect issues.

"_Not much has changed"_ I thought. Sometimes I wondered if all of this was really necessary. Am I really insane? Will I live be in this hell hole for the rest of my life?

My eyes pricked with tears at the last thought. I'd rather be in a real jail than this fucking hospital. I'm being very emotional today. Maybe my period is coming soon.

I snorted.

Why am I here? Well the answer is quite simple, if I do say so myself….

I killed my mother.

END


	2. Milk cartons

**Okay if anyone has paid any attention -pfft- to my first chapter, you might notice I had the date of which I published it. That was me thinking I was still in school, and what I meant to put was june 19, 2246. LOL my bad, my bad. **

**Please review and give me feed back! I have no clue where I'm going with this so if anyone has any idea, please do NOT hesitate to give me some ideas.**

**Ja, matte ;) **

"Miss Rose, It's time for your medication." A female voice informed. Groaning, I lifted the pillow over my ears and squeezed my eyes shut. How many times have I've heard that line? It seems I can't escape it. Even when I was toddler my mother thought I had HDHD so she had me take meds EVERY SINGLE DAY. Only to realize At the age 11 I actually didn't need them. Take that my dear mother in heaven! I snorted sadly.

"Miss Rose. If you'd please." She said tersely. Ugh what a bitch.

"Alright, alright." I sighed, swinging my legs over the edge of the bed. I mentally noted that my legs are kinda short, but at least they're shapely..but still short. I stuck a my left leg out, eying it with disgust. Someone clear their throat. Oh yeah..

I stumbled over towards the nurse and she handed my pills. Her fake nails instantly caught my attention. _Shiny._

_ Whoa..I need sleep._

Trying to hurry the process up I grabbed the pills from her and swallowed them without water,only choking slightly this time.

"Open." she commanded.

Biting back a cryptic remark, I settled on glaring, but obeyed. She seemed satisfied and nodded once. I turned back around and got back into bed, listening to the nurse drag her drug cart onto the next victim. Smirking, I reached into my mouth and TA DA! I can be quite sneaky when It comes to things like this (maybe it was the fact that practice makes perfect) but I quickly got bored so I got up again to flush the pills down the toilet. I decided I was still too tired to think coherently, so I cut my mental ramblings short, hopped back into the squeaky bed and went back to sleep.

"Okay everyone! Time to get in a big circle!" The counselor exclaimed, in her overly sweet, fake voice. Her bleached blonde hair was not helping my opinion of her. People seemed to have the same thing in mind, as they looked put out. I noticed a couple of people were huddled in corners were giving some of the nurses a difficult time. I snickered quietly, covering my mouth with my hand.

"What is this, kindergarten?" I mumbled to myself, sitting myself next to a girl, who seemed around my age, if not older.

The girl had dark, Native American skin that glowed under florescent lights, and had pitch black, yet bright eyes with long dark lashes. I was instantly jealous. Trying my best not to give the innocent Native a glare, I turned my attention back to the whore..I mean counselor.

"Now, I want everyone to participate in this next trust exercise. Everyone will go around and we will say one thing we enjoy, and another thing we dislike. Any questions?" She asked in a perky tone. I thought of asking if I could leave, but though better of it. I really don't want to get on anyone's bad side….not yet anyway.

"So please start with you're name, what you like then dislike." She pointed to a young boy who was sitting to her left. He was hunched over, and his hair was light brownish, short, and very curly. Though I couldn't see his face, I felt my mothering instincts kick in thinking "_ aww poor little sweetie!_" I ignored them but I was indeed curious and maybe a little concerned about the boy, though I'd never admit it out loud. As soon as she addressed him, he looked like a baby deer caught in headlights. Grey, cloudy eyes were full of anxiety and torture. Ugh damn my mothering instincts.

"Actually, I was thinking I could go first?" I suggested with a smile. It was fake of course, but I'd give her the benefit of the doubt. Adding the big innocent doe eyed look I could see her hesitation disintegrate. _Hehe she cannot resist my amazing charm. _

"Sure! Please go right ahead miss..?"

"Um..okay my name is Alyssa…" Wow Alyssa, you are smooth.

"Something I like….books ...I guess. And something I dislike…." I grinned. Leaving them to their own imagination. Some of them caught on, hence the nurses disapproving looks, but others wore confused looks.

"It's okay you don't have to finish. Everyone give Alyssa a hand." I gave the nurse a weird look. Did she honestly think I was incapable of continuing? Feeling insulted I scoffed but let her address the Native American next to me. By the look of it, it seems shes having a good time just as much as me.

"My name is Tanya, Somethin' I like? Ehh..sex..Something I dislike would be stupid bitc-"

"OKAY! Thank you Miss Tanya, and everyone give a hand!" she quickly pointed to the next person. I clapped furiously and fought back the hysterical giggle at the girl's bluntness. I'm definitely going to befriend this girl.

"I don't like you." said a bored tone. At that, I didn't bother to hold back. Throwing my head back, I laughed insanely…Which got the attention of the entire room.

"I mean…ahem..yah.." I looked away, and blushed harshly. Well it was funny.. I glanced at the person who made my day. A scruffy boy who had long black greasy hair with bangs covering his face entirely, caught my attention. Immediately I thought of cousin "it" from the Adams family. But that was besides the point.

Through his greasy hair, I caught his glance and gave him a brilliant smile. He returned my smile with a confused frown.

"Are you British?" he asked looking much too intense, given the situation. My eyebrows scrunched up with confusion, which I distinctly remember my mother saying how adorable I was when I didn't that. I brushed off my last thoughts.

"Um…no, sorry I don't think so." I was well aware I sounded like an idiot, but it was such a weird question..Did I sound British?

"I think you are. Say bloody." he motioned with his hands for me to go on.

"Bloody?" I asked confusedly. I noticed everyone seemed rather interested in what we were talking about. Ms. Whatever her name is trying to continue this fail entrusting game but I could tell she was listening also, from the side of my eyes I saw her give me the green eyed look. Interesting.

"No no, not in question formation." he shook his head. Crossing his legs, he inclined his body forward. Then, I noticed how the man looked. I couldn't help my thoughts as they drifted towards one word. _Yummy. _Well, as "yummy" someone can look in a plain white body suit. I giggled mentally. As to return his call, I mirrored his actions and face his gaze head on. Hazel. Ugh I'm acting like a whore again.

"Bloody hell." I repeated, trying my best not to crack a smile at the absurdity of this gave me a faint, satisfying smile.

Dimples.

Now I'm screwed.

I looked away with a pink taint staining my cheeks, but smiled back.

"I'm glad to see my patients make such progression." a voice brought me back to reality. I threw miss fake an annoyed look. Though it wasn't quite as obvious, her smile looked rather strained. Alyssa:1, Miss fake:0

When the bell rang for lunch. Everyone all stopped what they were doing. After circle time was cut short, Some returned to their "corner" while others were attempting to communicate with each other. I was currently sitting on the plain white couch thinking "I wonder why they always choose white of all colors, it's so easy to stain" and also what my second favorite color was.

Eventually we were lined up accordingly against the colorless walls. Not knowing this place well, I copied their actions. My eyes unconsciously searched for the girl, Tanya was it? And the other man whose name escapes me. God, do I have alzhemiers or something? Mother would never approve of that. I snorted again. I seriously need to stop snorting.

"More of that shit to eat?" A voice interrupted my mental ramblings. I looked over my shoulder and saw the native American girl. "_score!" _I thought, then realized I made her sound like I found a hot chick I was interested in.

"Could be worse." I pointed out while shrugging. I smirked over my shoulder and turned back around when the guard was checking over the list to ensure everyone was indeed present. After we all said the infamous "here" which I recall that being used in school when I attended so long ago. The guard then turned his attentions to the so called "sexy, hot nurses with out-of-season tans, and bleached hair." but not before giving us a dismissing wave of his hand.

"We're not dogs." I muttered while walking down to the cafeteria. Apparently we didn't need to be in a single filed line while walking down, so once again I tried to blend in…and I'm most likely failing…

Everyone was talking to each other animatedly with enuthsiam that wasn't there before. I was thinking if food really did bring the best out of people when I certain hand over my shoulder caught me off guard. I turned sharply, automatically giving anyone who dared to touch me a piece of my genius ass..or mind.

"Oh, you scared the crap out of me, there" I breathed a sigh of relief. Who was I expecting it to be?

"Ya I see that, babe. So I've never seen you 'round here before. What did ya do anyways?" she asked in her southern accent. I debated whether or not to tell her the truth, and fought the first question that came to mind "_Why do you care?"_

"Well, I just got here about two days ago, as for the question about what I did, that's confidential." I averted my eyes but made sure my body language told me that I didn't want to elaborate on the subject. I looked back to make sure she got my message but she seemed more transfixed on the guards that were hanging out the receptionist area. At the same time I noticed she was about a food 5 inches taller than me. "_Damn I need to stop making these observation at random times." _I thought. Trying to get a better look of what she could possible be looking at, I mean it's not as they were good looking…well I had a hunch.

" Has something caught your eye?" I asked. I was also wondering if I used the phrase correctly…I don't think I did. I mentally punched myself for annoying my own self with these remarks, and brought my gaze back up to hers. Her black eyes narrowed for a split second, but it was enough to make me suspicious.

"You can tell me, you know. I mean I know you don't exactly know me, or know of me. Well I'm not famous or anything, but I'm pretty trustworthy, not that you wou-" she cut my babbling off when she stopped short.

"Promise me." she said with such intensity I didn't think she was capable of. Her whole demeanor changed from sweet, everything's bigger in Texas attitude, to a more withdrawn, angry and defensive one. Which confirmed my earlier suspicions. Against my better judgment, I nodded. She searched my gaze which seemed to take a countless amount of time. Tanya seemed to find the answer she was looking for. I resisted the urge to shiver.

"What do you wanna be when you were young?" she asked slowly, as if she thought if she asked me it to fast, I might get confused. I gave her an odd look.

"Erm, Something along the lines of working with animals, perhaps owning my grooming shop for dogs, but my mother was more practical, so she wanted me to chose a career that was more fitting for one of her precious, little geniuses." I said sourly. Feeling rather embarrassed at my temper momentarily flaring at this innnocent- maybe not that innocent- girl who was trying to trust me with something.

"Not that I care….." Ugh can I be any more lame? I honestly don't think I deserve dinner now for that last remark. I noticed that we were still In the middle of the hallway. Walking, I hoped that she would get the idea. She glanced around and hopped faithfully to my side. I jumped slightly when her old enthusiastic attitude revealed itself once again. I couldn't help but feel paranoid, but I ignored it saying that perhaps the apple doesn't far from the tree.

"You're a genius?" She asked again, damn that nagging feeling of suspicion! Mentally punching myself again I nodded solemnly.

"Yeah, but you'd never be able to tell, at least I think so, because whenever I try to tell someone, they always seem surprised." I shrugged off comment_. Like yourself, for example._

"What's ya IQ?" she asked interestedly. I could tell she was trying to overplay the curiosity for something like a nonchalant act, but her eyes had this burning look. As if she was trying to tell me something important through her her in, I decide that overall she seemed really interested, so maybe she just really is JUST curious, and is trying to know her possibly-friend-in-the-future better…_keep adding to that list Alyssa, I'm not gonna be eating for a while._

"I'm not entirely sure, but last time I checked it was about…153?" I said dragging out the numbers longer in a hesitating manner.

"Holy shit! You're a-" She was cut off when a guard which seemed to pop out of no where -which is surprising given how paranoid I am- noticed our lollygagging.

"Hurry up ladies, you don't want to eat the food cold, do you?" He asked in his "tough voice." I rolled my eyes and bowed my head in a deference gesture.

"Sorry, we got kinda caught up in our convo, sorry boss." I smiled apologetically. Not giving a chance for the man to say somthing back, I grabbed Tanya's arm and dragged her to the cafeteria.

We didn't say anything while we were in line. I'm guessing she was waiting for a more appropriate setting to finish what she wanted to say. Finally, we found an empty table and I sat opposite of her and sat my tray down.

"So what did you want to tell me?" I asked her while fiddling with my milk carton. _Damn these things, I'll never figure them out._

As is those words were taboo, she instantly searched around the room, hunched over her tray, using the universal gesture of "shut the fuck up no one is supposed to hear this!"

I moved closer, quickly looking down at my chest to make sure I didn't accidentally dip my boobs in the food, I looked back up at Tanya questioningly.

"I've had this…idea stuck in my head for ah while..It's….well" she moved even more closer towards me, and I immediately shrank back.

"If you're going to tell me something that should not be heard by others. Let me suggest that you should do it in a more casual manner. Do you have any idea how much attention you've gained?" I asked laughing as If I told a joke. She seemed to get the hint and laughed also. _Sigh, how stupid can you be? _I snickered as I decided to pole a whole my finger to make a new whole In my carton for my straw. Damn these old fashion, cheap pieces of-

"Help me escape."

My milk carton slipped from my hands, splashing both of us.

"WHAT WAS THAT?"


End file.
